Well shiver me timbers, if it arn't another September. That can only mean on thing. Time to dust off me Pirate dictionary in time for "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" on September 18th!
You know, pirate life was not all fun and games. Looting and pillaging took a surprising amount of energy, stamina, and agility. After extensive research, and a few rum cocktails, I've uncovered a top-secret pirate manuscript. It details how the oled scalliwags used to shake off the barnacles to get themselves ready for plunder season.
I call this 4-step workout Pilates er, I mean Pirates.
To get rid of that unsightly bilge, simply do the following four exercises each day before swabbing down the poop-deck.
1. Walk the Plank. On yer mat, git in plank position (face down, body stiff as a board with arrhms straight and hands directly under yer shoulders). While keeping your core tight with no break at the waist, take 4 baby steps forward with yer feet and hands, then 4 steps back. Repeat 4 times.
2. The Downward Salty Dog. From plank position, walk yer boots forward, raising yer tailbone skyward. Try to keep yer arrhms in line with yer torso and press yer shoulders t'ward the floor. Hold fer one minute.
3. Crazy Pieces of Eight (or Treasure Curls). With a large bottle of rum in each hand (or hook), bring them up until yer elbows be at 90 degree angles. Keeping the port arrhm there, lower and raise the starboard arrhm eight times. Repeat for the other side.
4. Hull Squats (pronounced skw-arrgh-ts). These are critical for any seafarer desiring a fine pirate booty! With yer back against the side o' yer ship, drop down until yer legs arrgh at a 90 degree angle. Hold that position until ye can no longer stand or ye passes out, whichever comes first.
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and do yer Pirates routine every day to prevent scurvy, and keep yer buckles swarshing and yer scallys wagging fer many, many adventures to come.